coexistapart's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- how deep is your love? Today was excellent. I had just one brief meltdown between 11 & 12. It's bad because, as I've said time and time again lately, I can't tell if it's hormones or being depressed or my only coping mechanism for letting off pressure. I'm trying not to let circumstances steal my natural joy for life--but there has just been so drama and trauma the last year (not speaking specifically since I got here in September, just-really-in general) that I just don't feel like I have that natural, optimistically pragmatic joie de vie that I pride myself on. Oh well. I went to church this morning. There was an excellent, excellent sermon on Psalm 69; you can click back one to read my comments and thought on that. Came back home and checked in on eBay; you can either have a very easy & straightforward "end day" or one that's filled with needy people asking demanding questions and shipping quotes for items you *know* they will not bid on. Thankfully today was pretty quiet; Big and I played Acquire, nibbled on nachos and brownies (I know...) and then I sat out in the lawn chair reading my book for a while, keeping up on eBay via his crackberry. Then I went to the gym and spent ONE HOUR on the treadmill. That was completely and utterrly necessary. Not binge eating so much this week as just making too much of something I know will be dangerous to have around, e.g. brownies (even if they are from a very, very low fat mix from Big's mother) or nachos or just CARBS period. I find if I stick to less than 5 portions a day (white= 2 portions, whole wheat= 1 portion) I am totally fine, but as soon as I get beyond that and up in to the 10-12-14 range it's just craving following craving. It's impossible to beat, and you hardly even *know* that that's what's doing it. Now, granted, yesterday was Caliche's day (eat, wait 7 days, eat, wait 7 days) which I had around 5pm because I was feeling sad, thereby stalling dinner and ruining my appetite, but my eating habits have just been not so good lately and I needed to reverse the trend with THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN AVOID GOING TO THE GYM ON A DAILY BASIS FROM HERE ON OUT IS BY EATING BETTER. So there. Yesterday morning I pre-wrapped many items with bids for eBay, which was fortuitous as I sold 16 items today. Not a high sales day by any means ($150 I think) but lots of JUNK that Big owns/ed (and supposedly cherished) that I'm now pleased to get out of the house. When we have company, nobody else can see the changes--yet--but to me they're substantial. I see white space, stuff that's nice and not just junk; even the large, walk-in closet in the den which was stuffed full of games and encyclopedias and random stuff (um, hello, two victrolas? and broken at that) are looking much better. And often times now things that I spot, that stick out as being the "last" of something we have sold everything else of, I can tell 2-3 weeks out when he will decide they are ok to sell. My new thing is, also, getting really good boxes from Sam's Club. So today was productive. Tomorrow I have to deal with more Middlebury things, which is actually not as bad as I make it out to be--at least not when compared to HUJ. I submitted the one language school app, then of course realized I had to finalize the online application. Everything is done, I really just have to click "submit" preferably BEFORE my paper application gets there tomorrow afternoon. Then I have to work on my Master's application and pretend like I care. I'm still stuck at the original second draft from November that Anna ripped into; now granted I have her formula/typology that I can convert mine over to as a major improvement, but I am STILL--easily--looking at 1-2 major rewrites, plus endless edits...and, at best, I need to get the package out by the end of the week, sooner if I don't want to pay some overnight FedEx premium. I'm planning to use the car Tuesday, so the more I get done tomorrow, the more I can "relax" and revise at Starbucks on Tuesday. Stephanie's husband was fired from coaching Toronto's professional lacrosse team. He has another job as head of the phys-ed department at Stephanie's old school--lacrosse is not real pro enough to pay your way otherwise--but it obviously throws into doubt the fact we were going to Boston in March for a weekend to see them play on the road. Amy & Stephanie are fairly insistent that we're still going, which I understand I'm committed to, but I just don't "get" how they assumed we were still going. Then again, they did just buy their tickets like 3 days before this happened, and I have been in the cruches of a non-refundable many, many times before so I suppose I should just be sympathetic. Other than that, not too much to report. I'm not sure how Year of the Ox is supposed to affect a Tiger but I'm also not too sure I want to know.... I actually feel rested and ready to start my week. I realize this is actually the point of proper Sundays, but rarely do I end up feeling that way. It's good and very helpful and, by some extension, healthful I suppose. 11:52 p.m. - 2009-01-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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