coexistapart's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2008 Year-End Review

I worked on my year-end review on the flight from Denver to Toronto. I consciously did so without looking at what my responses were last year. A lot of questions had really straight-forward answers. I did not feel like doing the year-end review led me to have any new revelations this year. Then again, I'm not altogether sure why I'm surprised because 2008 sucked for me.

Now I've been holding off posting this for a couple of weeks, hoping to get further inspiration, but 2009 has been pretty good to me so far. Time to just bury the dead.

2007 Year in Review

1. What did you do in 2008 that you hadd never done before?
I drove across many parts of America moving Big's furniture. I attended the second wedding of a truly dear friend (Juanita), while also attending a wedding that I helped to plan (Stephanie). I also threw Stephanie a bridal shower (kind of) and found out that a close friend friend was pregnant, so I started work on crocheting a baby blanket (though I did crochet a blanket in 2003).

2.Did you keep your New Year's resolutions and will you make more for next year?
I didn't end up making any New Year's resolutions. I don't know if it's because I was depressed being in NM last Christmas, but January rolled around and I kept putting it off until it was mid-February and I hadn't really lived my life any differently.

Perhaps that contributed in some way to the reason my year felt like it had so little direction....you can always change a plan, but not if you don't have one. My resolutions for 2009 will come in a separate entry.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not really. Juanita is pregnant, due in May; Big's younger son, Emmanuel, had another baby girl with Tiffany in February. Big's neice, who I've now met, also had a baby girl in August. A lot of long-time bloggers I read have now all announced that they are pregnant with their second child.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not really. My cousin's mother (my aunt once removed) died suddenly in early December. Really, that's about it thankfully... at least as far as I can recall.

5. What countries did you visit?
It was a slow year; I didn't really go very far.

Canada: Halifax, Toronto, Ottawa, Creemore & around.

United States: around NM, EL Paso, San Antonio, Albuquerque, Tucson, Phoenix, Hagerstown, Denver, Colorado Springs, the Hamptons, Cambridge. The states I visited were Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado, Nebraska, Wyoming, Maryland, West Virginia, Virginia, Tennessee, Louisiana, Arkansas, Pennsylvania, Maine, Connecticut, New York, Massachusetts, Vermont, and New Hampshire. At least that's kind of impressive.

I was supposed to go to St. Kitt's with Melinda, but that didn't work out; we went to New England instead. I spent a couple of days in London, England and several more in Paris, France. It's still too dangerous, really, to cross into Juarez, Mexico so we haven't even done that yet either.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you liked in 2008?
More happiness, more confidence, more fiscal responsibility and financial security. More clarity with what issues matter to raise with Big, more concrete plans, more religious direction, more Christian purpose, more confidence that what I'm doing with my life is what I'm supposed to be doing. Less time wasted on the internet, and more personal growth. All of that could be clearly summed up as "direction" or "a plan."

7. What date from 2008 will remain forever etched upon your memory, and why?

December 17 I spoke to Big's ex-wife, Candy, on the phone. I could make it into a big deal (pun not intended), but it's not. I mean yes, it was a very long time coming but it was what it was: a logistical, practical interaction. September 13 was Stephanie's wedding at the Granite, which I spent all last year looking forward to. I suppose I could also through down some sort of date from during the summer, when things were quickly changing and I was becoming friends with Anna, but at this point I have NO IDEA what to do with that girl or what her future is or what our future relationship is, so this may or may not matter by this time next year.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I did graduate with my Honours B.A. awarded with distinction, surprisingly. I still remember walking up to that table in UC and her starting with "you're in the wrong line...but the good news is that you're just over here, you graduated with distinction."

Also, somehow, I managed not to frighten myself too much (rather, I kind of did but I managed to get over it...) and went (back) to Church.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not always willing to be in control of my future, being selfish, and sometimes not being willing to take necessary criticism constructively. I should have dropped my gospels class during my last semester; that just made me miserable and the whole winter difficult to tolerate. Really I should have just graduated early, and dealt with all of the changes that would have incurred, but that was a decision that I should have made in late 2007 so there's no point worrying about it now.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I broke my toe baking cookies for Anna back in February; I had a couple of cold sores here and there, but on the whole things have been much better. I burned my forearms when the oven door closed on me in September, but nothing serious, thankfully, as I'm down here without real health insurance.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I can't really think of anything exciting. Obviously that's bad because it means where did my money go? I bought the flat screen tv for Big, but neither he nor I seem to care enough now to have made the purchase worthwhile. Coming home for "Christmas" was a really important decision, the best week of the year by and large, possibly second only to the five delightful days I spent in Paris. I fell in love with life again.

I received a beautiful Tiffany charm from the girls at the pool, but I did not buy the bracelet that goes with that yet.

12.Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Big> My mother's working on her thing, and Emily too. Nora maybe, also. Burt. I miss Burt something terrible. ANTHONY. JABU. How could I forget?

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Obama; I'm still waiting for him to be sworn in and everyone to come in from this fictitious cloud of reverie. RAY for his whole "get me a politicos job" fiasco, that I asked Mercedes for a favor and then he fell through on it! GuoGuo for behaving badly during the whole leadup to the bridal shower for Stephanie, and not being willing to just let go! It got very bad at the time. Genghis Khan, formerly at the pool. Dealing with him was really bad in 2008, but mostly it was his behaviour (which he had to reform or be fired) and I've forgotten now that he's not a daily encounter.

14. Where did most of your money go? I have no idea. Is that bad? I feel like I had the same answer last year. Bills actually. I was constantly paying stuff back. Still am. My credit's not going to be so good (at least it's going from excellent to good, and not worse) but I'm learning my lesson.

15. What did you get really really excited about?
Stephanie's wedding, being friends with Anna (at first), the HUJ program (at first), going to Paris.... Spending time with my family.

16. What song will most remind you of 2008?

I'd have to go back and look at my playlist, which I'll have by this time next year.
Rihanna, Please Don't Stop the Music & Take a Bow (basically the entire album); Taylor Swift, Love Story & Shoud've Said No & Fearless; Green Day, American Idiot & Good Riddance; Martina McBride, Here's To the Girls; Fergie, Big Girls Don't Cry; Beyonce, If I Were a Boy; Snow Patrol, Run & Chasing Cars; Britney Spears, Piece of Me; Carrie Underwood, Just a Dream; Linkin Park, In the End; Rodney Atkins, It's America; Celine Dion, Taking Chances; Lily Allen, The Fear; All-American Rejects, Dirty Little Secret; Reliant K, For the Moments I Feel Faint.

17. Compared to this time last year are you
-Happier or sadder? Those are strong words. I'm more content only in direct proportion to the fact that (sometimes) I'm less sad. The old roommate used to drive me nuts, but I had so many other things going for me that I did not realize at the time. I miss the simplicity of college life in my own oddball way that I lived it.

-Thinner or fatter? I feel like it's the same, though technically I'm a few pounds fatter with the last several weeks going to me feeling much thinner (relatively speaking) but probably the same to this time last year when I was walking to work every day, doing Juanita's spinning class once and a while, in addition to exercising on the track regularly.

-Richer or poorer? The same, unless you factor in that the economy is in a free-fall so technically MUCH poorer.

18. What do you wish you done more of? Spend time with family, take time for myself to read or scrapbook and not waste it on the computer or watching television or worrying about things that doesn't matter.

19. What do you wish you done less of?
See above.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? We went in circles over this, and just today I discovered Big kind of wished that he had gone back to MD given that David was home from Iraq with his new finacee and that Emmanuel & tiffany now have at least one Christmas-ready child.

In the end we spent Christmas with Big's mother and his brother (ugh) at his mom's house, so we would be there on Christmas day; we woke up early and helped her wrap presents for her great-grandchildren for two hours. Then we had some breakfast, and I cleaned out the pantry and her fridge, and then we opened gifts. I had time to blow-dry my hair and nap for an hour before we went to his sister's house to eat dinner with her two daughters and all of their family.

It was not a bad Christmas per se, but seeing just how much STUFF those children received did make me upset...even when I tried not to let it. I tried to keep in mind where I would be in MY life if I had received those kinds of gifts as a child. Sometimes I’m still just a sourpuss. I was sad we left dinner early & I drove around Denver in the dark for two hours, listening to Delilah, while Big slept.

21. Did you fall in love?
Not really. It's hard to fall in love or be in love when you do not love yourself. I had a lot of sad thoughts this past year...in many ways it feels like a great big step backwards.

22. How many one night stands?
Zero. Really, I should cut this question out.

23. What was your favourite television program?
Anthony's gf got me onto Jon & Kate plus 8 though I resisted at first; Girls Next Door; lots of Top Chef on YouTube; Project Runway. Less Food Network, actually, unless I'm at the gym.

24. Do you hate anyone that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't think so.

25. What was the best book you read this year?
Hands down Joan Didion's "Year of Magical Thinking" (on grief) and Alexandra Robbins "The Overachievers," without having to go back and look at my book list. Oh, and also I discovered Paul Auster; I really enjoyed "The Brooklyn Follies," but I feel as thought I've probably only begun to scratch the surface on that.

25. What was the best musical discovery?
Taylor Swift continued to surprise me, and I liked the song "For the Moments I feel Faint" by Reliant K, but I haven't really delved into anything esle they have done. I bought and listened to a couple of albums the last part of the year. I think I'm going to do that more often...by 4-5 albums and listen to them for a few months.

26. What did you want and get?
I sound really spoiled to say that I did not get anything, but I'm in too much of a haze these days to be able to focus on what I wanted.

27. What did you want and not get?
An idea of what the future is supposed to look ilke. A graduation gift from my mother.

28. What was your favourite film of the year? I didn't see that many. The one about blind kids hiking in the Himalayas had merit, but I also liked the Duchess a lot. I'd have to go back and see what we watched. A lot of the movies I saw related to movies Big did or did not want to see. Nothing too exciting stands out honestly.

28. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
I turned 22. I spent the day working on eBay and other everyday things that needed to be done, that could not be set aside. I was sad. It wasn't any different from past years. I didn't get any really exciting gifts. I felt a little lonely. I went to the gym, which was good, and then we went and stuffed our face with pasta & bread & calamari at Lorenzo's. We went to Phoenix the next day which wasn't so fun. Big and I spent it together and we had decent conversation.

29. What one thing would have made your year more immeasurably satisfying?
A savings account, a retirement fund, less debt, more surety. There's a lot of things I could list....

29. What kept you sane?
Coffee. And moments where I knew I just needed to eat something to feel better, and I'm finally at a point where that's a safe thing to do because suddenly I know myself and my limits. Never eat anything you don't want, ever.

30. What thing would have made your year more immeasurably satisfying?
I'd be starting to sound like a broken record.... Otherwise, no idea.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion statemnent in 2008?
More subdued. Purge and sell on eBay especially in the past couple of months; don't keep it if you don't wear it. Buy timeless, quality items in statement colours; nominal accessories. Lots of flat, unusual shoes.

32. Which public figure did you fancy the most?
I like Victoria Beckham & Katie Holmes a lot. I saw both of them in person.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?
You would have had to live under a rock not to pay attention to the US election this year; I thought Cindy McCain would make a more interesting 4 years and that Obama is a disaster in the making. Immigration is important down here in the Southwest, although I'm not really ever sure on which side of the line I stand.

35. Who did you miss?
My dad. A lot. More than in the past, I think because my unhappiness became more obvious.

36. Who was the best new person you met this year?
Anna, although we have no idea how that will work out. Anthony’s gf is nice and Jennifer, who I met through Anna, is pretty neat. I also got to know Stephanie's fiancee better, ditto for Juanita's husband. I met Big's family; I love his sister & BIL to pieces. They are just so cute, so sweet, the family you always wish you could have.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008: your degree doesn't keep you warm at night; you can always change a plan, but not if you don't have one; monogamy is not a truth, it's a fact.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up the year:
There were a lot of songs that I like listening to this year precisely because they had nothing to do with the state of my life. Even though the lyrics refer to relationships, I do like the spirit of Fergie's Big Girls Don't Cry:

I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
...
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry

Also, although it's not a song lyric, a quote from the book "Prep" really sticks in my mind. It's been up on my fb profile for a while. "My present world was always, in its mildness, a little disappointing. I've never, since Ault, been in a place where everyone wants the same things; without a universal currency, it's not always clear to me what I myself want."

1:44 p.m. - 2009-01-13

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next