coexistapart's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- going to London, or going to Scotland? So I don't know if I mentioned this in my last post, but I've been dithering about this London-England thing for the past month or two. Basically it boiled down to the fact that we did not see Kimberley last Christmas after I lost my wallet (and we did not go to Paris), and so I've felt bad all year because she's important to me as a friend, as someone with whom I have shared experiences, except she's impossible to reach by email. I haven't tried to call but once or twice in the past four years since we graduated because she only has a cell and I'm always worried I'll catch her at a club, or at Chuckle's house, or somewhere where she really can't say that she can't talk. I wanted to see Kimberley, but I also wanted to plan for us to get together in the spring travelling in Asia. The only way this was going to happen was me going to London now to talk things over, see her parents, make plans; I've been feeling lazy lately, not wanting to go, but as far as I know I never articulated that to her. I'm going to have to go back and look at the correspondence, but really as far as I know, I'm pretty sure I didn't say much to her about not wanting to come. I just kept saying "haven't bought the ticket, but I'm coming, trust me, I've set a personal deadline, it will be between November 18-28." And as much as that is me being flakey, if you know ME, you should still be fairly certain that I'm coming. So this past Friday morning is payday for Big, I have a bout $800 come in from eBay, and Big insists that I buy the ticket as we're rushing out the door to drive to Denver. (Incidentally we missed cheeseburgers at Sparky's, before they closed at 3pm, in part because of this.) But I was elated, feeling better about things because I got the ticket DONE and I got the three segments I needed for $800: El Paso-Denver-London-Denver. I was starting to think yes, I could wander around London playing poor student and taking pictures for a week; the winter weather would be good for me. I send Kimberley emails with the details, and then today I get back a message that says, essentially, that she's going to be in Scotland for the week becaused she hadn't heard from me. So at this point I just don't really know what to think. It just feels like a waste. I didn't want to flake on Kimberley completely, so I forced myself to buy the ticket. Now it feels like she's got other priorities, or she never needed me to go in the first place, and since going to India in the spring is looking increasingly bleak, I just don't see the point other than I could have used the money for something else. My emotions about the whole thing have changed somewhat throughout the course of the day. I'm trying not to feel bitter or upset, and I think I'm doing fairly well, but I just can't help but want to read more into this; Big says it's just amazing(ly stupid) that we didn't do more planning, then on the other hand he places the burden of blame on her considering that I did give her the correct time frame to work with. She never mentioned having anything she wanted to go away for, or else I would have moved my time frame back to leaving tomorrow, from Denver. On the one hand I do take responsibility, and see how this could have happened, on the other hand this is fairly last minute, and I don't really want to go to Scotland with her and be an annoyance (not only that, but I've been to Scotland before...), and I'm not sure I want to go to England and stay with her parents the entire time she's away, or stay at a hostel, or go to Ireland, or do anything really. The whole thing makes me want to bail and stay home, but that's probably not an option given that it's non-refundable and that says more than going and being miserable. At this point I really don't know what I'm going to do. 8:43 p.m. - 2008-11-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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